I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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