): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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