No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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