It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
