WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
