Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
