The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There r osticjed everywhere
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
