i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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