I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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