Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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