she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
