I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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