Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
