saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
