I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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