Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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