I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
