OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
