Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
