Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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