i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
