Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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