You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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