your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
