You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
