Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my poor anus
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
