I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
