i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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