i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
