i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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