i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
