she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We left the knife in your bed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
