oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
