no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
