I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
