You just made me feel so damn special
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
