Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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