she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
