is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
