I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
