yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
