you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is classic penis vs brain.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
