remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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