I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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