Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
