you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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