Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
