I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
