He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
