alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
