guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Damn victory sex feels great
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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