Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
