Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
