Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
