I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
